From the mouth of hair stylists....

So, I'm having my hair cut (my color is so good right now, whoo hoo!!) and John Michael, who is a very cool dude, and I are talking over this women and 50 thing. He cracks, "I haven't heard anyone talking about this for, oh....about 2 hours." Ha, very funny.

At 3 that afternoon, his receptionist, Terry (who is 49), was relating to him a story about a friend of hers with whom she took a trip recently. She said her friend spent an inordinate amount of time fixing her hair. She would watch her when the friend didn't realize she was being watched and it was like she was in a trance. Kind of obsessing over hair. And, she's decided she wants extensions.

So, Terry and John Michael were puzzling over how some women do all kinds of high maintenance things to themselves as they go through this metamorphosis, transition, transformation, crisis, The Change...whatever. They do the kinds of things 20 years olds would be doing (oops, was he giving me some kind of hint? :) Others embrace it as total freedom from that stuff. Some let their hair go completely natural, and relax into it.

I said I thought it was a power thing. For good, or for bad, I have relied on my looks and physical presence as a tool I could use to command attention. And, I fully admit to having cruised through a couple of plastic surgery sites checking out the before/afters as things have, well....settled in uncharacteristic ways. I'm not really serious about surgery, but I do, in my most quiet and deep places, ask myself where will my power base be when that fades?

Our culture worships the young and supple, duh. Looks can get you added traction in a lot of ways. I have found it all too easy to rely on that for some added boost. What will I have as that continues to fade? Yes, I'm intelligent, warm, etc etc and my head knows that but my self-conscious little adolescent girl doesn't quite believe it.

Could it be those who have developed other aspects of themselves and who depend less on their appearance are more likely to see these changes as freedom? While those others of us may see it as loss?

Ha, Samson's hair was his power, when shorn, he was weak as a baby. Forget surgery, baby, bring on the hair extensions!!

John Michael who has quite a few clients in their 40s and 50s thought this power conversation was spot on. I have a friend who said she used to get whistles and flirting but when she turned 50 she suddenly felt invisible. Invisible....hmmm, Screw Invisible!!! What other aspects of myself could develop into my new, improved power base?

Next: Animus, oh my animus, wherefore art thou my animus?