Creating our stories

There's a lot of coaching, new agey talk out there about us all being co-creators of our lives. I do believe that.

We are the accumulation of our choices and decisions, whether made purposely with intentionality, or totally unconsciously, at the mercy of our complexes, family history, etc. But, the Tony Robbins-like folks out there would have us believe that creating the life we want is as easy as pie. Like going to Marie Callendar's and buying it, just making a choice, pointing and letting the nice lady box it up for us.

Perhaps it is quite possible to just decide one day to be 100% conscious of literally creating the story of our life going forward. That hasn't been my experience however. It's entirely possible I could be remedial in this respect, but I observe that lasting change of that kind is difficult for most folks.

I think it's more like making a lemon souffle than buying a ready made pie, not impossible but very tricky (I notice, have you?, I use a lot of food metaphors--I've been trying to lose a few pounds and I am craving something sweet, that must be it ).....a lot of practice and danged HARD work is what it takes. Neuroses, complexes and family culture residue are all pretty powerful forces in my experience. One can de-fang them so to speak....once you're aware of them they do lose some of their power. Vanquish them in one day though, rare.

I have caught myself though in recent months, while deep in my existential morass, thinking of my life as literally a story. Asking myself, given the character I am creating, what would she do now? If this girl wants to live an unusual life, what next move makes the most sense? Am I happy with her story so far? What cool situation can I create for her and what would she do in it?

Abstracting it to that level, seems to help shortcircuit the voices in my head who whine and wring hands about what if I can't do this or that? Also, I'm thinking of it all as a big experiment. Somehow, that context shifts things as well. You just know in an experiment that some things will work and some won't. It's OK, it's expected. Much different than the performance anxiety that ensues when I set a task that I can't allow myself to fail at or.....well.... something dreadful will happen.

The changes I'm making feel just right for my story. Scary scary, but that's what I want my character to do, it fits the story I'm writing.