The realities of one

I sometimes wonder about our generation. There are so many of us in the 40 and older crowd who are single. Surely, we are the first generation to meet middle age in such large single numbers. I don't really know what an aging model looks like given those demographics.

Besides the singlehood, whether through divorce, loss of spouse or just never married, there are plenty of us who don't have kids. I'm ambivalent about that. Being independent with no responsibilities to spouse or kids has its advantages.....some of my friends are still helping their kids through school or helping kids who never quite made it out of the nest altogether. There are very difficult stresses and strains along with that scenario.

I on the other hand am free to do whatever I want. But one of the things I've learned in my life is that I enjoy things most keenly when there is contrast. It simply isn't fun forever to be able to do what I want. Not fun to have enough money that you usually get whatever you want. It's fun for a while but there is a point of real diminishing returns. Without having to sacrifice and save, eventually it's hard to get the same buzz. Same with singlehood.

So, I find myself a little envious at times when they are enjoying a family get together or celebrating a child's big accomplishment for example. I had to spend time with the dog at the vet today and a 5 year old named Miles sat down with me and offered to 'hold' the leash. What a friendly, sweet child! He just chatted and then offered to play a game of 'I Spy'. We were pretty evenly matched :)

I felt a little wistful afterwards. The folks next door had lots of family over today with kids etc. and I felt a little lonely. No spouse, no kids.

Somehow I never imagined getting to this place in my life completely on my own. Today I'm feeling the not so fun side of the coin.