Hmmm, maybe cookies do crumble

Well, I'm struggling here.

After a swim in the choppy lake last week (whew, I did it!) and a hard workout of biking and running on Saturday I was congratulating myself that I got my creaky, stiff body through it all in relatively good shape. On Sunday morning, I noticed my right knee was a little ouchy, no biggie. By Sunday evening it was more than a little ouchy and Monday VERY ouchy. So, having made the deal with myself on this triathlon deal to pay close attention and NOT pull my old over achieving tricks on my recovering body, I decided not to do our run workout and do a bike ride instead.

Well, it was the bike that aggravated it. We discovered a crack in the frame of my bike so I'm on a borrowed cycle that apparently doesn't fit I believe. Last night after my ride the knee was so sore that I was concerned I might have torn a ligament or tendon. It's a little better tonight but between that and a back that feels like it is taking steps backward into stiffness and achiness, I'm grappling with letting the triathlon training go for now. But dang, that is a tough one since I've always been one to ignore little things like that and push on through.

But, it struck me that maybe for me, the real challenge my 50th year, is to learn to relax into things, be more conscious of the flow rather than push push push to make things happen. I already have that down cold. It does seem that my back has been a pretty faithful reflection of what's happening to me emotionally and mentally. I'm in this process of letting go old habits, routines and places, perhaps it's the time to let go my old running patterns and focus on pilates, some weight lifting to strengthen, and learn to swim properly once and for all. Keep the stress on my body to a minimum while I solidify the gains I've made.

Hmmm, things less obvious on the surface but strength building down deep. That feels like what's going on externally for me as well. More subtle.

##%*&#@*&! It's so hard though, I've always been so strong and athletic, my concept of fit and strong involves strenuous activities. This would involve a real shift in thinking.....hmmm, grrrrr.....not being able to do this strikes at the heart of my concept of myself, PHHHTTT!