Taking it personally

I was attacked this morning at 4:30 am by severe doubts about my ability to create this scene called an online community. Yesterday I was struggling a bit figuring out how to get content for a couple of my interest categories. And, I'm still thinking about the email I sent out to the ladies I've been talking to and held focus groups with.....I got some responses but not as many as I hoped and I asked people to let me know about women who like to write and inspirational stories I could use etc. Not what I expected. It all added up to give me a sleepless hour.

I took it, of COURSE, as any sane woman would, personally. Not as in offended or hurt, but as a reflection on my self-worth. Why do I think I can do this? Why do I think people would be interested in what I'm doing or what I have to say? I could go on but that pretty much captures it. And, I'm pretty sure I'm not the only woman who has that particular bug-a-bear to deal with.

It's like, when you throw a party--and don't deny it, I know all of you have thought this :)--and you're afraid no one will come. Or, you're pretty sure people will come but that isn't good enough. You want LOTS of people to come because then people will know you're a cool person whom others want to be around. And, I don't even need to point out what it says about you if people don't come in droves......

It struck me this morning in the light of day when it's easier to have a sense of perspective, that this is a basic difference between men and women.

See, it would probably never occur to a guy to think a light turnout to his party had ANYthing to do with the size of his manhood. If he thought about it all and was trying to throw more parties, he would merely consider it a problem to be solved. Hmm, well, let's see, I bet they didn't come because the basketball semi-finals were on. Hmmm, more queso and fewer sausage balls. Or, gee, I think it's time to change the oil in this thing....

That would pretty much be the extent of it.

A woman of course would spend hours stewing over what she could have said or done to make people not want to come. Did she not have the right clothes? Did she fail to consider who had just broken up with whom, so neither came? At previous parties, was her food unappetizing, was the conversation BORING??? Was she not measuring up to parties OTHERS WERE THROWING? WHHAAATTTT?????

OK, I feel better now that I can laugh at myself. I'm laughing because this is so extremely TRUE! Oh my gosh! I think I"ve just stumbled on the reason men are still in charge of the world generally speaking. (I think that's a woman thing too, to draw sweeping, generalized conclusions from a single datapoint--men would you agree with me here?)

So, I just need to be a guy about this thing. It's a problem to be solved, a puzzle to piece together, not a reflection on my worth as a person.

So, it might be that people are just busy and would give me some of the information I wanted if I approached them personally (ha, there is that personal thing again). Or, ping them as a group again because we all know people are very busy these days and sometimes you have to ask a couple of times....or understand that people don't know what the site is yet and just need to time to trust it and me.

It's a problem I can solve, not a personal reflection....OK Allison, write that on the board 200 times....

On second thought, maybe just a sticky on the bathroom mirror will work :)