How old is too old?

We all probably can remember grandmothers, aunts and friends of the family who in their, ahem, senior years would appear in what like inappropriate make-up, hair or clothing. Where are the 'rules' for 'appropriate' written anyway, yes I know. But, come on, we all know what I mean. Long hair on an older woman is frowned upon in some circles. Tight clothing or plunging necklines, whatever.....behind their backs we roll our eyes and and exchange raised eyebrow glances.

Lately I have wondered if the apparent obliviousness of the objects of those glances tends to begin setting in in mid-life. I have had the urge recently (and followed through!) to paint my toe-nails unorthodox colors...iridescent blue-green! FUN! I'm getting lots of attention with it (uh oh, is that what my subconscious is craving??).

Then, since I am now a laptopper, I needed a laptop bag. A friend happened to show me her new bag that was very fashion forward and I decided I needed something more FUN than just a black bag or even a sleek, classic red leather tote for it.

So I got one that is part black hide (with hair on, naturellement!) and black fabric with red roses on it. It's vaguely oriental looking and it has red cord handles. Here's the best part.....the inside is...Chinese red silky fabric! How fun is that?!? (www.jtotebags.com).

To me it's all good fun. I remember a poem by Jenny Joseph:

When I am an old woman, I shall wear purple
with a red hat that doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
and satin candles, and say we've no money for butter.

There is more, but you get the drift. It just seems to me that life is too short and uncertain not to do little things that add a little fun and giggliness to one's days. Fun hasn't always come naturally to me so maybe I'm making up for some lost time. Makin' up for lost time with iridescent toe-nails and a glam laptop bag!

A success to celebrate

I have loved northern New Mexico for several years now. It became my fantasy to buy a place in Taos and live there. It's a blend of funky and upscale. It has this Whole Foods in miniature called Cid's. In the aisles you see people who look like they are camping out in the wilderness mingled with art connoisseurs.

You know, I could run a bed and breakfast there, I thought. I've gone there at least once a year now for 5 years. Last year I made my annual sabbatical there and we met this fascinating couple who were real estate developers of the green sort. He was 20 years older than she and they were very intelligent and successful.

After visiting with them, it suddenly came to me that a b and b would bore me to tears within a few months. And, just hanging out in a place like that with nothing purposeful to do would make me a restless maniac.

I began to understand that what I wanted was a way to spend time there but have something to do while I was there of a business nature. You know, I could work a half day or something and then go hiking or just sit and soak in the amazing New Mexico light and color. Voila, the idea to have a business where I could base in my beloved Austin but spend chunks of time elsewhere was the ticket. YES! Eureka, that's it!

Of course at the time I had no idea what that could be although I've always experienced strong entrepreneurial urges. I gave myself a 5 year window to be sitting in Taos conducting business.

WELL, this morning it occurred to me that I could, this September, actually go there and work on my business! I am starting this website for women 45+ and I have more to do to get the business up and going than I can shake a stick at. It's not to the point obviously where my company would pay for it, rats!, and I couldn't spend 2 weeks there, but I could literally go for a few days and get some of my work done.

I so often don't stop to celebrate my successes (consequently I often am much harder on myself than is healthy because I only notice the things I"m not as successful at as I would wish) and have resolved to be better at it.

So, I am giving myself a big pat on the back today for having shaved 4 years off my timeline!

The underneath of it all

I'm here to talk about something I rarely hear anything about. I had no idea other women thought about it. I don't dwell on it, but it does pop into my mind occasionally. I puzzle on it, scratch my head a couple of times and usually go about my business without an answer.

It's the question of.......UNDERGARMENTS! Undergarments specifically for those of us who are, well, on the mature side of life. Yuk, ooky word, 'mature'. In fact, all the words describing those of us on the north side of 40 are kinda ooky. Mid-life, another ooky word, blech. Sounds so boring.

Anyway, I've been talking to a lot of women lately in this group. who are ANYTHING but boring. That's another topic altogether.....back to underwear.

So, I'm talking to a friend who recently hit the 50 mark. She had a black tie function to go to recently and some of the dresses she was considering wearing brought up this question of foundations.

She and I both are used to being pretty fit and being able to wear clothes that highlighted that. But, the old body isn't quite what it was. Some sagging going on upstairs, hiperoonies not quite so sleek as they once were. PHOOEY! But a phooey fact I'm afraid.

She was sharing all she had discovered about T-shirt bras and something called Spanx. I did not realize that t-shirt bras were like heavy duty molded cups. I just thought they were just smooth so they would look good under t-shirts, duh!

Well, they are as a good as a boob lift according to my friend. I was telling her I saw this 2o something hostess at one of my favorite Mexican restaurants lately. I could barely take my eyes off of her boobs. The reason was she had on this strapless, stretchy top. She was quite 'busty' and the strapless bra she had on was like armor. I mean, she was dished up, her chest had so much lift and projection, it was kinda startling. But, what really had my attention was that clearly her boobs were not going ANYwhere! They were locked in, they looked so seCURE despite the fact they were in a strapless bra.

I was filled with admiration! Having been busty all my life, and now being somewhat saggy, I was mesmerized by something that promised to hold me up there given that so many tops nowadays require something beyond the basic bra.

Of course, that led to a discussion with my friend about how bewildering it could be to know what we should be wearing. Should we even be thinking about wearing something that required that level of support? We want to look fashionable and I think we both look younger than we are. But, we don't want to look like the 2o something hostess. And, who says we should concern ourselves with what we 'should' be wearing anyway?

But what is fashion at a 'hip' but elegant 50? I don't have an answer for that. More on it later, and the spanx thing is a whole other discussion. ....

Cold anger

I was in Portland OR for a week visiting with a friend from here who was spending several weeks up there, and a friend who lives there and who I knew from my previous life. I liked Portland, it has a lot of urban character. Lots of neighborhoods with their own distinctive personality, lots of little coffee shops and local businesses. Fun!

My friend teaches computer science at the university here and he's quite the philosopher and thinker. He's had a lot of experience trying to get girls more interested in studying technology in connection with the school, and he's spent a lot of time in Fortune 500 technology companies so he's known women in that context.

We drank a lot of wine, ate a lot of olives and cheese and talked lots about women since I'm working on this business idea aimed at them. I mentioned that I've noticed so many of us seem to lack confidence in our ability to figure stuff out. Or at least, put our ideas into action. I can't quite put my fingers on it but it seems we either fear failure to the point we don't even try, or we worry it won't be 'perfect' and so we don't try.

Of course, I can say this because those are comPLETELY the things that so get in my way from doing all I know I'm capable of. Takes one to know one. And, I'm making a generalization obviously. There are women to whom this does not apply.....although even some of the most successful women I know seem to have a lot of insecurity about their abilities even in the face of their undeniable success. I can't say the same about men, in general :)

Thomas said he had had situations where guys in his classes would raise their hands and give the wrong answers to questions several times in a row. Obviously, THEY were not suffering from fear of being wrong or fear of failure, or if they did, they didn't let it stop them. And, he'd have girls in that class who would come up afterwards and say they knew the answer. When he would ask why they didn't pipe up, they would say they didn't want to embarrass anyone.

So, I'm reading Wicked which is the story of the Wicked Witch of the West as told from her perspective. (I will tie this in, I promise, really!) Great premise in the book, not so well executed in my opinion but there is a part in there where WW of W's old nanny talks about girls needing to develop cold anger.

Cold anger is the slow burn, smoldering anger that keeps her implacable and relentless in pursuit of something. No forgiving or forgetting or turning aside. The wisdom of applying this to your anger is a little debatable of course, but it struck me that in some ways that is what Thomas and I were discussing.

Guys have egos that are not easily quenched....as most women can attest to :) Women are more sensitive about looking bad or stupid. We're taught to be perfect little ladies. We are supposed to be nice and make sure everyone is feeling OK about themselves, don't want to make anyone look bad!

I hope that my generation of women is kinda the tail end of that kind of thing. I think girls nowadays have much more opportunity to overcome that and build confidence in their ability to carry through their ideas. People are much more aware of the issue.

In the meantime, I feel I'm playing catch up. I'm coming up on the 50 mark and everything I'm doing right now is an effort to get past the craziness of not trying because I'm afraid it might not be perfect, or because I don't want to look like I don't know what I'm doing, or because I'm afraid it might fail.

I want to DO something. I want to be confident I can figure stuff out (ignoring the fear is how this will happen). I do not want to get to the end of my life and look back to see myself too fearful to have put myself out there and taken a risk. I want to experience what it's like to relentlessly pursue something to its end. I want to know I put myself and my ideas out there.

I want a dose of cold anger. Not in the anger part, life is too short for that, but in the sense of dogged persistence that doesn't allow a failure or two along the road to keep me raising my hand once more to offer an answer.