The worm has turned. The tide has shifted. The barometer is rising (or falling, dang which is it??). I think I stand corrected.I posted recently on Allison's Unified Theory of Relationships to the effect that people in midlife finding lasting relationships was akin to pigs flying, or snowballs coolly sipping an iced tea in hell.
I have many single friends, male and female, and it's pretty obvious to me that we ALL want that special relationship...but few of us have them. Oh, we try. We venture onto Match, we see this person and that. But there is always something, or many things, that don't work.
At least, that's how I saw it a scant 7 or 8 months ago.
But now, I'm wistfully, and a bit sadly, experiencing in my broad range of friends and acquaintances, that suddenly many people are pairing up. And, pairing up in far more promising circumstances than I would have imagined possible those few months back.
Probably no fewer than 5 or 6 friends and exes have found a love.
Wistfully, because it's so nice to see what they have. Sadly, because in my weaker moments, I have to wonder what's wrong with me? Am I sending a message that I'm not interested in a relationship, am I too picky, am I overlooking the nugget of gold under my nose, am I too aloof, am I too picky? I have to ask that last twice because inevitably I wonder if in my 'old' age, I have unrealistic expectations of what this should be.
I don't know the answer, it seems common wisdom that one should not 'settle', and the blessing of hitting midlife is that you kinda know what you are and are not willing to add to your life. But what's 'not settling' to one, is unrealistic expectations to another.
But, I see those around me pairing up and I'm happy for them. And, it makes me sad to be alone. I look up at the moon and the stars on a hot summer evening, at all that vast, impersonal expanse, and I feel very small and alone. And, I wonder if that is how it will always be.
Perhaps I should see this as evidence that it can happen when you least expect it. That things can change in an instant.
Perhaps it's a sign to look deep within and examine my innermost desires and expectations.
Maybe I just need to get out more.
In the meantime, I ache, and yearn, and wonder.
